The current emphasis of society on material acquisition regardless of moral and societal values, have made it difficult for many to set the right standards for themselves, especially when searching for a life partner.
Most of our dreams about who is the perfect man or woman for us, often stem from our experience with the opposite sex, the first contact being our parents. Another source, where young women and men shop for stereotypes of the perfect lovers, are romantic novels, magazines and movies.
Most guys want women who just dropped off the billboards, curvy and sexy, like the lure of hell. And though prince charming no longer comes in shining armour riding on the back of stallions these days, most women would prefer that the modern prince charming have the latest mobile machines and fat bank accounts, with good looks as the toppings of course, but not mandatory.
The other qualities are oftentimes more important. Interestingly, many young guys now think that catching a rich man’s daughter’s hand in marriage is the key to marital bliss. ‘What do you bring to the table’ is now a yardstick for measuring a potential bride’s eligibility.
The traditional wife material standards fast going extinct. However, the truth is that ideals are different from reality and the exigency of time will often determine what and who is ideal and legible to choose as spouse.
In a recent discussion with Fade, a very dear friend and my soundboard, age appears to be a great determinant of available choices when it comes to settling down. Fade, a sociologist, insists that age has an important role to play in the separation of dreams and reality. One’s age is a great factor in determining the kind of guy or woman you will get as a partner, though with a few exceptions.
For women especially, most, if not all the ideals are usually discarded when the time is a few minutes to “condemned”.
According to Fade, (lest I forget, my friend likes bashing women in his discussions) it is the dream of everyone to grow up and find an ideal partner to settle down with, have children and live a wonderful life happily ever after. If God helps you and you grow up to find that ideal person, then you are lucky.
But if not, you will eventually settle for whatever you can find that suits your resemblance of ideal and pray that you are still able to live happily ever after. If you are not able to do so, there is no harm in trying again, though no one prays for it. That is not to also say that the second or third time will be the right one. (second or third marriage?)
The truth is, age will determine how good your chances are in getting the ideal partner, especially for the woman. The younger a woman is, the better. The younger she sets out for the chase, the better. When a woman is still in her early 20s, her beauty is well blossomed and ready for picking. The men are lining up and stumbling over each other for her favours.
If she is wise or has good advisers, she makes a good choice and with God on her side, she has a better chance of living happily ever after. Once a woman crosses into her 30s, desperation begins to creep in. If not on her part, on the part of her parents and family members. She must lower her standards and reduce being too picky. She has to rejig her bucket list to prioritize.
Mr Charming may still be rich but not as loving and romantic as to sweep her off her feet, but she must pretend to like it that way for her peace of mind. By the time she clocks 40 years, if she is not strong-willed, she will end up with any available scoundrel as a husband. We see them all around. Women who have used their husbands as boyfriends. The ideals are usually discarded by women when the time is a few minutes to ‘condemned’. They just want to be called somebody’s wife no matter the circumstances surrounding the marriage.
Now you may find a scruffy, stubby-looking guy with the most beautiful stallion of a woman. Men too go ahead to hook up with vipers and street women, which leaves you wondering where they got them from This is particularly common in religious settings which is not unexpected as many would have become religious or philosophical by that age. Once people get into their late 40s to 50s, it is the end of the road, like end of discussion.
Many people will just be looking for someone to bear a child or two with and not necessarily marriage. They are usually stuck in their ways and will find it difficult to change to suit a spouse. If the women get lucky to find a divorcee or widower to house them, thanks to the great provider. The case is however slightly different for men.
Our culture and traditions are very permissive for the male folks. Even biologically, men are favoured. There is no time a man can be declared as off season or off the shelves if he has money. In his 90s, a man can marry a young damsel and still have children with her. Not the same for the woman. I’m vexed already! Hmmm!
Do have a wonderful weekend!!
Vanguard News